achievinglife's Blogs

So I have been spinning in circles...

I have to make a decision that can only be my decision - genus thought huh!! lol

However, the presence of questions (or comments) may lend to more focused thinking and review of options/abilities.

So... the facts:

1. Mom is in FL and has Lung cancer spread through lymph. Given about 6mos to live. I just sent my sister and friends info on things to do and possibilities (will repost here in blog after this one).
2. All but myself and my brother Eric are within a few miles of my parents.
3. I have and will be kept fully updated and can get in touch with friends, colleagues, and others who can help plus family is able to be there every day ... Hospice also is there.
4. Dad & mom both wished me success and wanted to see me succeed with AchievingLife.com and doing an event in California - as well as many of my friends
5. I am in San Diego staying with my friend George. Originally he said was fine to stay here through March 7th. Need to confirm if that is still correct - I have kinda been out of it the last couple days and not quite the usual chipper silly crazy odd self.
6. The original plan of having an Event March 7th just doesnt work - location and many other factors make it difficult.


Situations & Ideas...

CALI:
I can start doing Trails of Giving events here very soon working with the Natures Express and maybe another one or two businesses near other parks.

Working with Kai at the magazine is both with possibilities and many questions that I must start working out.

As such some of what I initially thought might be possible here is questioning.

I still am having problems figuring out the podcasts and need to find a simple video editor (specifically to cut beginning/ending parts out of videos). - the option is to start doing videos, podcasts, and interviews to add stuff to my site

With trails of giving events I could get local speakers to participate in weekly discussions that would build up to the larger events... finding the place to stay through May in my head seems a bit more difficult.

I must get an income asap no matter what/where I am

FL
There are the chances of doing Trails of Giving, Achieving Life, and all that in FL - yet that is something I have attempted to do in the past without a ton of success

The more I think about doing videos, podcasts, and focusing on that stuff it seems more reasonable - it is part of what I wanted to do and maybe it could be a larger part

I could see if I could find someone else local who would want to continue with the Trails of Giving meetups and flow those into the Achieving Life Events - but then that could be someone else not me and well who is to say that would really work though it could... the question of Kai from Vision Magazine perhaps who wants to do things - there also was interest with people in LA but I am not as familiar there nor have I heard positive things of their bus transportation and as for a place to stay???

I want to do the events that much I am sure of, it is not just a dream - it is what I will do.

I want to have the website working fully and attracting people - possibilities rest there for promoting other events, having a magazine of sorts or working with magazines...

In both those cases while typing is fine it isn't quite the full sounding board that is needed.... Thus, I will be working to find someone around here today to bounce the ideas around with and get them on paper... the trick is doing it with someone I trust or intuitively feel is the right person for the discussion - not sure who it is just yet...but shortly I should know

$$ is a big important aspect right now....
Getting a team of people working with me is also important....

So, that is the basics of facts and thoughts

For the moment going to go through the business cards from Conscious Life Expo - send emails, and later make calls about sponsors as the people here where I am staying are still sleeping....

I-M-Possible the book that well might get interesting, but how shall it read from this point hehe

Thank you for all thoughts and prayers for family and being there....

Debra
813-486-0240 it is fine to give a call most any time - yes it is the business number but it is my cell so you can leave messages...

Well just got the confirmation. My mother has advanced untreatable cancer and it has metastasizd and is throughout her lungs and lymph system. Being here in Cali well tomorrow I will be heading to see if I can visit my Aunt Louise (my moms older sister and let her know) possibly tonight if I can get ahold of them.

Right now just going to go for a walk.... Not really sure what all I think or of all the reasonings...

I had just gotten off the phone with my friend David talking about how part of life is death... yeah ... still though... kinda want to be back in FL kinda want to be here in San Diego or maybe head to AZ for the Awakening Conference - just kinda numb I guess and nervous..

If anyone does want to reach me 813-486-0240 though depending I might not be able to answer... thanks

I usually get a topic and put it to where I have a meditation and blog to post throughout the networks I am on and at Achieving Life.

Yet in this moment with a few dried tears, only a few hours sleep since Friday morning, and a lot of unknowns I feel like sharing but not sure what.

Sometimes we do things, say things, and feel things that we dislike. We get stuck in circles of questions, doubts, fears, and the unknown. Sometimes it is merely hand a presence of another that sends us trailing back into the realm of possibities and faith.

The journey into the unknown is one we take each day, each moment, but our awareness and perceptions of it vary across the spectrum for our interpretation.

My mom is doing better. She just got out of the CT scan and will know more in a couple days. She is being released from the one health facility tomorrow so long as the leg improvement continues. However, family is still working to get her to the hospital or at least a new doctor.

I am in San Diego - I have had about 4hrs of sleep since Friday morning. I didn't sleep last night and only in the last 45min or so is the migraine I have had letting up. I haven't drank as much fluid as I need, and food well lets just say it isn't quite happening yet.

I don't know what to think of the actions and words of yesterday afternoon and at night with the friend who is letting me stay with him. A lot of emotional stuff and stresses have not been the most beneficial. I am in part very scared, very excied, and wondering a lot of the wtf.

Yet in the simple gesture of thoughts from Catherine, the call last night from my friend Jacob, and a few emails of follow-ups from the Conscious Life Expo I am feeling better and relaxing.

Sometimes it is merely the presence of another being in a moment there even with you - sending a blessing out of peace that makes our perspectives get re-aligned and moving postiviely.

Thank you Catherine and to everyone else. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers for my mom and for your presence and light that you share with the world.

Namaste Debra Macking

Alright, so I am working to figure out stuff.


First please include my mom..and dad in your prayers. My mothers health has been continually getting worse over the last year with very bad fluid retention, altheizmers, and other problems. Over the last month or so she apparently gaiened over 30lbs of fluid retention in her legs - the last few days stretching all the way up to her abdomen. Taking her to the doctor today (we will be getting her a new doc after this for many reasons... but anger aside for the moment...) it was determined that the retention was infected throughout her legs and that was why they were oozing and well yeah... My mom now is at a health care facility as she refused to go to the regular hospital - she will be in observation through at least the weekend and will be going through a few procedures to decrease the retention and treat the infection.

My dad and my sister are up at the facility now and I got home to make calls to a few other family members and to still put things together for my own trip out to California....

One of the reasons that I have always had a hard time in thinking about leaving the area/state is because my parents are older... Dad is 78 and mom is 72. Neither are in good condition and at this time especially not my mom, there were DNR things that had to begin being taken care of and well from the biomedical etc aspect I understand and such just can't help but wonder how much more there is. My sister Patti and I learned today that my mothers heart is operating at about 28% right now - even my dad had been told by my mom it was a bit higher than that.....

Of seven kids all but my brother Eric live within about a 8mi radius of my parents. We kinda take turns (with Patti and Paula sorta doing the most) helping out and doing things from grocery shopping, helping with stuff around the house, driving them places, and similar.

My father and I were talking at the house as we waited to hear more from my sister Patti who had taken my mom to the doctors.
He said "You have to make it in California, in what you are doing" he also remarked a quote from my great grandfather (a man I have never met but been told regularly that we would have gotten along splendidly) "what is the sense all will be different in 100years".

My mind is mostly focused on my mom at the moment but still I had to take the business calls from San Diego.

Part of me is wondering what I am doing, why I am doing it, and whether I shouldn't just look more at staying here and doing things locally of taking some other route.

The fact is I am going out there with only a few dollars, I haven't had people really sign up yet on the www.achievinglife.com website yet and do not have any paying advertisers, partners, or similar.

The event that was going to be March 7th is being postponed one month to April and I wonder about that - about the viability of the fact I was aiming for March 7th and that there are other events around the country I was working/wanting to do - the fact I do not have the upfront money for stuff ...
I think about being told I could take part here locally on the 3rd Sat of the month at a ciricle thing, that a family friend was diagnosed with pretty much exactly what I said a couple mos ago and could be a massage client, and there are other possibilities..

I think about my mom and what is happening - I know how angry and how much yelling there will be as she complains about not getting a cigarette, of not being home, and of things that she is forgetting or remembering but no accurately. My dad has had been going through a lot the last week or two especially with the repetitive phrases and speech of my mom and other things that have been happening lately.

I started reading a book today that I was working to give my friend David before he left to Wyoming but it didn't happen - not totally sure as to the why. It is called the Isiah Effect I mostly knew the book and told people about it but had not read it... its actually mostly what I said and more... one point that stood out is an idea that all is laid out but all resides in our choices you know the when, or the where, or the what but not all three..

My dad mentioned how you can know things are getting worse, be expecting them, and he expressed ideas/feelings and intuitions he has had - but then he remarked the fact is you never are fully ready, never fully know... following this again with the emphasis on success as I go to Cali.

Yet I find myself questioning, being nervous, and just ergh... but it is in unsureity that we can find stability, find the answers, find the path we are designed for ..
Please pray for my mom to get better. My niece Kristin is aiming to move in with my parents in a month or less. My mom says she wants to be able to be there but she needs to act in that way. I don't know, I really dont....

I know I have some thoughts to think through but I feel like that thinking may not be the best if I am not careful - somehow I feel like the weight of a lot of stuff is building up, that some pretty important, big, sad, and amazing things are here or soon here and just I dont know...

Please though keep my mom and dad in your thoughts and prayers - Thank you

~Namaste

Debra