Sociology

Real Family Therapy by Lori L. Silver from Storytime Tapestry

We grew up with two parents that couldn't get along and never should have married, especially each other. They did however manage to produce two beautiful daughters who felt very lucky to have each other growing up. Many nights my sister Cindy and I spent huddled together in the same bed listening to them arguing violently and uncontrollably. When you live through something like that it either "makes you or breaks you". At a very early age I was forced to be strong, smart, responsible and tougher than any child should ever have to be. I say to this day that I didn't really have much of a childhood. Of course what I'm referring to is the "typical childhood" that each and every one of us wants to give our kids. As I look back now, I guess I wouldn't change one thing. As all of it has truly made me the person that I am today.

We lived in a garage. Oh sure Mom, Grandpa, Cindy and I worked hard to make it look like a house but truth is...it was still a garage and everybody in the neighborhood knew it. One by one we met and were introduced to neighbors and brought them through for 'the tour.' Time after time we listened to, "Oh this is REALLY cute," "It's not what I expected," "Oh you don't have running hot water?" "You use a COAL furnace to heat with?"

"All of you live in this small space?" until I thought I would run screaming out our newly installed frontdoor that had replaced the typical pull-down garage door model.

Mom and Dad had split up again. This time she said it was for good. Cindy and I were hoping it was even though we missed Dad alot. At an early age we knew that those two were like oil and water and would never "mix up" good. Times were extremely tough for us. We wore second-hand clothes and ate a lot of pork and beans and peanut butter sandwiches but at least we ate. We had to heat water in huge pans on a small gas stove to do dishes and take sponge baths using a big washtub. Once a week we got to go across the street for a real shower.


I would run the hot water out standing in there singing up a storm, it felt so good!

To this day, that feeling comes back every time I step into a shower. Because of going without for so long, I still relish each and every one and probably always will. Life was extremely hard but we had each other. Many nights we had to wear hats and mittens to bed and huddle close together to keep warm. The place was small and it was real drafty. The coal furnace just couldn't keep us warm in the bitter winter months. I remember Mom coming around many times in the middle of the night to wake us up because she was afraid that we would freeze to death.

Time after time I watched my mother work two or three jobs, have junky old cars that were always breaking down, be up all night tending the coal fire and then go to work for 10 or 15 hours on her feet. I'd catch her late at night crying over a mound, literally, of unpaid bills. Dad remarried and didn't do much to help any of us. He hardly ever came around anymore and we missed him less and less.

There was one upstairs loft room that had no insulation where Mom slept. Cindy and I shared an old, hard, green, fold down couch in the tiny living room. We had no dresser, or posters or stuffed animals, toys or girl things. There just wasn't room for us to have our own space like that. The kitchen was tiny and the bathroom had only a toilet at first. A sink was added later. We did the work ourselves with the help of neighbors and family members.

One Spring day I'll never forget and still call "our family therapy day" I was around 8 years old. It was 1964 and Cindy was close to being 6. We got off the school bus and walked down the road together as usual. About half way home we heard pounding and hammering, hooting, hollering and a whole lot of noise coming from our small house. We ran home as fast as we could and threw open the front door. There mom stood in front of the wall between our tiny kitchen and even smaller living room. She had a towel tied across her face, plastic goggles on top of that and a sledgehammer in her hand. She was beating the wall down!

At first we were a little scared but as the light from the door fell across her she stopped and turned with a HUGE smile on her face. We knew then that everything was alright. She walked over and in the corner were goggles, face masks, and hammers for us. She said...."Come on kids, we're gonna take this wall down and get some light in this box!".

We followed her directions and a few days later the wall was gone, the room now looked huge. Later we installed a nice, big bright window right where the wall seam had been. After that our lives definitely took a turn for the better! Together we could do anything we put our minds to!

Within a few years we added a couple of rooms off of the side of the house. Now we had a living room and a real bedroom for Cindy and I to share with a dresser, a closet and a door that closed. We could finally put up posters on the walls and have friends stay over. We were in heaven. Mom would watch our little black and white tv late at night when we were in our room and not keep us awake. Life was great!

Mom will never really know the invaluable lessons that she taught us that Spring day and all through our childhood. She may never know how we've carried that wisdom and her zest with us our whole lives. To think that it all started on a typical day with one wall coming down is amazing!

Later on when both Cindy and I were gone mom fell on hard times and lost our house for taxes. She didn't tell us until it was too late and there was nothing any of us could do to stop it. True to form she picked herself up, shook herself off and started all over again. Nowdays when I'm blue or having hard times I may drive there to look at our house and think back on many, many years ago.

Oh, it looks so much different now but I know that living as we did after my parents divorce was a huge turning point for all of us. It taught us to be strong, resilient and resourceful. It made us appreciate what we had and each other. It brought us closer together than we have ever been. It changed our lives profoundly for the better and I am thankful for every minute of it.

Lori L. Siver
ladybounty2000@yahoo[dot]com

A featured story of April 23, 2012 of and with thanks from the Storytime Tapestry, a daily ezine by Carol Roach